Jos minulta kysyttäisiin, mikä oli traumaattisin tapahtuma, kun sairastuin syöpään 16-vuotiaana, minulla olisi vastaus valmiina.
Se hetki, kun hiukseni lähtivät.
Ulkopuolisesta tämä voi kuulostaa vähän kummalliselta. Eikö väliaikainen hiustenlähtö nyt ole syöpähoitojen aikana loppupeleissä aika pieni juttu?
Ei ole. Muistan, kun makasin diagnoosin saamisen jälkeen lasten teho-osastolla ja hoitaja kysyi, haluaisinko, että hiusteni pestäisiin. Olin maannut siellä jo viikon kiinni dreenissä, joka poisti keuhkoihini kertynyttä nestettä, ja tukka oli kieltämättä jo aika likainen. Halusin tietenkin. Hiustenpesu oli ihanaa.
Kunnes joku lohkaisi, että sehän on kiva pestä ne vielä nyt, kun ne ovat päässä. Puhkesin silmittömään itkuun. Olin 16-vuotias ja luonnonkiharat hiukseni olivat iso osa identiteettiäni,

Pääsin ensimmäiseltä sairaalajaksolta kotiin. Olin laihtunut, heikkokuntoinen, mutta hiukseni olivat vielä päässä. Sitten niitä alkoi löytyä sieltä täältä – ympäri omaa huonetta, herätessä tyynyltä. Aloin pitää hiuksia kiinni, sillä niitä jäi joka paikkaan ja joka ilta ponnariin jäi iso tukku tavaraa. Pyysin äitiäni harjaamaan hiukseni, sillä päänahkaani kutitti, mutta se oli hänelle vaikeaa, sillä hiuksiä lähti niin paljon.
Olin ollut viikon pesemättä hiuksiani ja sitten halusin pestä ne. Aloin vaahdottaa hiuksiani shampoolla. Kutina oli sietämätön. Raavin päänahkaani ja hiuksia irtosi, irtosi ja irtosi, aivan valtoimenaan. Istuin suihkun lattialla, itkin ja revin kutiavaa päänahkaani. Vaikka takana oli jo ensimmäinen, pitkä sairaalahjakso teho-osastoineen, tutkimuksineen ja aloitettuine hoitoineen, vasta hiustenlähtö konkretisoi koko asian: En katso nyt mitään typerää sarjaa tai elokuvaa, jonka päähenkilö haluaa poistua tuotannosta. Tämä on minun elämäni ja minä olen ihan oikeasti sairastunut syöpään.
Äitini on sanonut, ettei ole koskaan ennen, eikä koskaan sen jälkeen, nähnyt kasvoillani samanlaista tyhjää ilmettä, kuin silloin, kun tulin suihkusta pois. Reilusti yli puolet hiuksistani oli jäänyt jalkapallon kokoiseksi läjäksi suihkun lattialle. Päähi oli täynnä isoja kaljuja läikkiä ja näytin todella, todella sairaalta. Halusin ajella loput hiukset pois, sillä näky oli järkyttävä.
Minua suretti, ettei kiharoita peruukkeja ollut saatavilla. Peruukkiliikkeen jokainen peruukki oli niin erilainen, kuin omat hiukseni, että jokainen huomaisi varmasti eron. Valitsin vaaleanruskean, pitkän peruukin otsatukalla – se oli lopulta liikkeen valikoimasta eniten lähinnä omia vanhoja hiuksiani.
Kuvittelin käyttäväni peruukkia joka päivä, kunnes kuulin, että se menee heti pilalle, jos sitä käyttää sateella tai lumisateella. Peruukki oli kuuma ja kutitti ja käytin sitä lopulta ehkä vain yhden tai kaksi kertaa. Se ei tuntunut omalta, sillä se oli mielestäni todella epämukava ja kuuma. Valitsin huivin ja minulla oli niitä monia erilaisia. Toki tuntui raskaalta, kun kesän loputtua palasin syksyllä lukioon ja moni tuttuni ei edes tunnistanut minua. He katsoivat minua kummissaan, kun moikkasin. Nykyisissä hoidoissa on taukoja, joten kroppa ehtii hoitojen välissä palautua. 2005 söin puolenvuoden ajan 27 pilleriä joka ikinen päivä. Sain pahan ihoreaktion (kuvia siitä en ole todellakaan halunnut säilyttää), kortisoniturvotuksen, hiustenlähdön ja myös kulmakarvani ja ripseni lähtivät.
2005
Kun sairastuin uudestaan viime kesänä, tiesin heti, että halusin määrittää itse, koska hiukset lähtevät. Tiesin jo, millaista se on, enkä todellakaan halunnut kokea sitä uudestaan. Siskoni lupasi ajella hiukseni pois ennen hoitojen alkua ja hän keksi myös, että hiukseni voisi lahjoittaa hyväntekeväisyyteen, ja ne lähetettiinkin Little Princess Trust -yhdistykselle.
Hiukset kertovat aina jotakin ihmisestä. Se, etten juuri koskaan suoristanut kiharoitani, kertoi minusta ainakin sen, että nukuin mieluummin aamulla pidempään. Myös hiusten pituus kertoi, että halusin saada ne joskus kiinni ja että pidin pitkistä hiuksista. Olen usein ihastellut graafisia leikkauksia, mutta tällä kärsivällisyydellä ja hiuslaadulla en olisi koskaan jaksanut ylläpitää sellaista. En ollut värjännyt hiuksiani neljään vuoteen, mikä kertoi paitsi opiskelijabudjetista, myös siitä, että haluan vältellä ylimääräisiä kemikaaleja.
Hiusten ajelu tuntui puhdistavalta riitiltä ennen hoitojen alkua. Olo oli hetken oikeinkin vahva. Tietenkin olisin mieluiten pitänyt hiukseni, mutta en ollut valmis siihen, että ne lähtevät omia aikojaan. Tämä oli ihan oikea ratkaisu.
Sain pian maksusitoumuksen, jotta voisin taas ostaa peruukin, mutta ajattelin jättää sen väliin, sillä olin aivan varma, että käyttökerrat saisi taas kerran laskea yhden käden sormilla. Suunnitelmissa oli hankkia erilaisia päähineitä. Ostin muutaman ja muutama ihana ystäväni ompeli minulle sellaisia itse. (Henu, sun tekemistä Siskomyssyistä ei ole juuri kuvia, mutta ne ovat olleet käytössä melkein joka päivä, kiitos!)
Kaljuna kulkeminen tuntui kesällä välillä ihan hauskaltakin.On ihan eri asia olla kalju nainen nyt, kuin vuonna 2005, jolloin kaljuja naisia ei juurikaan ollut julkisuudessa ja kalju todellakin tarkoitti nimenomaan ja ainoastaan sairastumista. Silti tämä ei tee asiasta helppoa. On eri asia päättää ajella hiukset pois, koska sattuu saamaan sellaisen ajatuksen päähänsä, kuin silloin, että ei voi itse päättää hiuksistaan.
Suurin osa kommenteista on ollut kehuvia. Toki löytyi niitä muitakin, esimerkiksi naapurin mummo Raumalla, jonka näin rappukäytävässä erään aika raskaan päivän jälkeen. Hän lähes kiljahti nähdessään minut ja huudahti, miksi ihmeessä olen ajanut ihanat hiukseni pois. Niin. Tällaiset kommentit satuttavat, sillä enhän olisi halunnut hiuksistani luopua. Meillä oli ollut pienimuotoinen tulipalo kotona.Viimeinen paloauto oli juuri lähtenyt pihasta ja itse olin aivan loppu. Töksäytin sitten takaisin, että no, minulla on rintasyöpä. Ei varmaan uskalla mummo-parka enää kysellä kenenkään hiusmalleista mitään.
Kaljun kanssa ei kuitenkaan voi kulkea ihan joka paikassa. Auringossa se pitää suojata palamiselta ja syksyllä, tai välillä ihan Suomen kesässäkin, se on aika kylmä. Sitä ei tajua, jos ei ole pariin vuoteen ollut itse kalju. Kymmenen vuotta oli niin pitkä aika, etten enää muistanut, miten kylmä sen kanssa voi olla. Siksipä olen käyttänyt paljon erilaisia myssyjä ja turbaaneja.
Sitten minuun otettiin yhteyttä Bravehairista ja innostuin heti. Bravehair-päähine koostuu piposta tai myssystä, jossa on alareunassa tarranauha, johon liimataan kiinni hiukset. Se yhdistää pipon ja peruukin parhaat puolet – se on yhtä mukava kuin pipo, mutta sen alta tulevat esiim myös hiukset. Bravehair on uusi, suomalainen yritys, jonka on perustanut Satu Rautalahti. Satu on itsekin sairastanut rintasyövän ja hän käytti paljon sairausaikana peruukin sijaan mukavia pipoja. Sitten hän keksi, että olisikin ihan mahtavaa, jos pipon alta näkyisivät hiukset.
Bravehair-tuotteet yhdistävät peruukin ja pipon parhaat puolet, sillä ne ovat yhtä mukavia kuin pipot, mutta pipon reunaan tarranauhalla yhdistettävät hiuslisäkkeet saavat aikaan sen, että niitä voi luulla hiuksiksi. Hiukset ovat todella aidon näköiset – eräs syöpälääkäri, jota en ollut aiemmin tavannut, jopa ihmetteli, että miten hiukseni ovat pysyneet niin hyvin päässäni tällaisten hoitojen jälkeen! Myös kaksivuotias tyttäreni kommentoi, kun kokeilin ensimmäistä kertaa yllänäkyvää polkkaa, että äiti on upea.
Sain useampia tuotteita kokeiltavaksini. Hiusmalleja on kolme: polkkamalliset lyhyet hiukset, joihin kuuluu otsatukka, pitkät hiukset sekä pelkkä otsatukka. Hiusvärejä on myös useampia, samoin päähineitä. Pitkästä ja vaaleasta tukasta tyttäreni totesi, että äiti on nuori! Olipa hauska kokeilla vaaleaa ilmettä, kun sellainen on ollut itsellä viimeksi pikkulapsena.

Pipoissa on siis tarranauha, johon hiuslisäkkeen voi yhdistää. Pipon tarranauha on mukava, eikä se tunnu päässä mitenkään erilaiselta, kuin ihan tavallinen pipo.
Eniten omalta on tuntunut ruskea pitkä tukka – muistuttaahan se myös eniten omaa vanhaa tukkaani, vaikka se toki suora onkin. Kaikki Bravehair-päähineet tuntuvat mukavalta päässä, mutta tässä pitkässä mallissa on näistä ehkä se kaikkein paras käyttömukavuus – itse kun olen niin herkkähipiäinen kutiamaan, etten ole juuri koskaan oppinut pitämään itselläni otsatukkaakaan, vaan olen aina halunnut hiukset pois otsalta.
Minua on lähestytty muillakin tuotteilla, mutta olen ylpeä sanoessani, että Bravehair on ensimmäinen blogiyhteistyöni. Teini-iän sairastamiseni olisi ollut paljon helpompaa tällaisen tuotteen kanssa, mutta onneksi se on saatavilla nyt. Lisäksi olen innoissani siitä, että tuotteen on kehittänyt suomalainen nainen, joka itse kaipasi tällaista tuotetta sairausaikanaan. Yritys on vielä melko uusi ja Satulla on ihan mahtavia ideoita, kuten vaikkapa ohut bambumyssy, jota voi käyttää minkä vaan muun päähineen alla (ihan must pikkujoulukauteen!) ja tarkoitus on myös käyttää jossain vaiheessa luonnonhiusta, kun tällä hetkellä hiusmateriaali on synteettistä. Kannattaa ottaa tämä yritys seurantaan.
Rinnan puuttumisen ja seilaavan proteesin voi piilottaa isojen villatakkien alle. mutta pää ja hiukset ovat koko ajan näkyvissä.On ihana näyttää jokseenkin terveeltä, mukavuuden kärsimättä!
Bravehair-tuotteet saatuja.
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